Summary Stepmonster: A New Look at Why Real Stepmothers Think Feel and Act the Way We Do ì PDF eBook or Kindle ePUB free

Read Û PDF, eBook or Kindle ePUB free Î Wednesday Martin

Read Û PDF, eBook or Kindle ePUB free Î Wednesday Martin Ws other stepmothers and stepchildren and offers up fascinating insights from literature anthropology psychology and evolutionary biology that explain the little understood realities of this uniue parent child relationship and in an unexpected twist shows why the myth of the Wicked Stepmother is the single best tool for understanding who real stepmothers are and how they feel?. Nobody wants a stepmotherStepmothering is born of grief It is at its heart an unhappy business This book has been an absolute godsend for me; if you're considering marrying someone with children it's worth reading I single and with no children of my own got married in 2007 to a widower with two boys and was completely blindsided by how difficult life as a stepmother and life in a stepfamily turned out to be I wasn't naive I knew it would be challenging and had done research on the grieving process my own mother lost her mom as a young girl and the experience of widowers but I honestly anticipated that I would be able to do some good to love and be loved I was completely caught off guard to be the object of so much indifference suspicion and hate as I tried to establish a home with my very supportive husband Also I was unprepared and definitely not euipped to deal with the mentalemotionalpsychological problems I have encountered and this has been overwhelming I wish I had had access to the book earlier it wasn't published until 2009 but am so thankful I found it seven years later at a point where our family difficulties and the attendant depression I felt because of them nearly swallowed me whole and made me feel like I had lost the optimistic happy person I used to be If nothing else the book has validated my overall experience and feelings of loss and frustration I've had in addition to the joy and let me know that conflict and difficulty in stepfamilies are par for the course and not necessarily the result of my ineptitude or wickedness I could relate to many of the vignettes shared by women interviewed for the book I've learned that of course relatedness matters; stepfamilies are not like first families and that's okay; and that having different lower expectations about how things go often helps peace to flourish in the home benefiting everyone involved Some stepmothers have an easier time than others and the author points this out If your experience hasn't been easy or if you anticipate that although things are going well now they could get complicated down the road for example when young children reach adolescence you'll find Martin's discussion valuable Of course the importance of the children's perspective in a remarriage cannot be understated and thankfully there is much literature and research on how remarriage and blended family life affects children who have no say in whether or not their parents remarry after death or divorce This book is important because it focuses on another perspective one that I feel has been underrepresented in the general discussion of stepfamilies

Read & Download Stepmonster: A New Look at Why Real Stepmothers Think, Feel, and Act the Way We Do

Summary Stepmonster: A New Look at Why Real Stepmothers Think, Feel, and Act the Way We Do ì PDF, eBook or Kindle ePUB free Ä An honest and groundbreaking guide to understanding the complicated emotions that develop between stepmothers and children  When fac An honest and groundbreaking guide to understanding the complicated emotions that develop between stepmothers and children  When faced with often overwhelming challenges what woman with stepchildren is unfamiliar with that “stepmonster” feeling Half of all women in the United States will live with or marry a man with children To guide women new to this role and empower th. Let me start off by saying that nothing has liberated me from my internal struggles with step motherhood like this book has It has allowed me to feel okay about how I feel Before my marriage I knew I was going to need some good advice on step mothering so I bought a book on it And many others since Regrettably it was not this book as it was not yet published THIS is the book you need This book was written by a stepmother for stepmothers A negative review of this book could only come from someone who has not experienced step motherhoodSince many won't read this review in its entity I must get this out right nowIf you are contemplating marriage to a man with children then let me share a secret that no one shared with me There isn't anything fun about a step family and to elaborate there is nothing fun about being a stepmom I thought that step motherhood was a mission I could undertake and I thought my gain was going to be far greater than my loss I assure you I was wrong No one warned me AT ALL of what I was facing and I am straight up pissed off about that Being a step mother makes for a difficult lonely life and it doesn't ever feel like a real family So I hate to sound bitter here but the fact is I am bitter Save yourself the heartache This is not what marriage or family was intended to be Read this book and take heed If you are not moved to seriously reevaluate your decision to marry this man then you are a hopeless optimist You will throughout your marriage be able to relate to damn near every sentence in this bookStepmonster Even the title might scare you from reading it Who would want to admit that they might be a Stepmonster And you could certainly never let anyone see you reading this book I bought this book instead of getting it from the library as I normally would to avoid the embarrassment and shame I would feel if the librarian might wonder if I were really a Stepmonster I bought a book cover so I could read it in public places And this book encompasses that reality in and of itself I am of the fortunate step mothers who have 'good' step kids And rarer yet 'good teenage step daughters' Yet I still find myself feeling these step monsterish feelings which has lead me to feel horrible about myself and doubt the heart of what I know to be trueI am a good personMy best friend is a step mom alsoThank Godand I told her 2 things about this book before I was even 3 chapters into it1 Wednesday has been reading my journal She has pegged my sentiments down to the uotation marks when I write about my 'family'2 Outside of our honest communication with each other reading this book is the most therapeutic thing I have experienced since becoming a step mom It is important to have other stepmothers to talk to because no one except another Stepmom can truly understand and surely never show sympathy or compassion for an evil or not so evil StepmomStepmothers don't get permission to feel anything less than never ending love and understanding toward their step kids Yet those very step kids are almost expected to dislike and reject their stepmothers and understood if they do All the while our husbands and the rest of society expect the adult us even if the children are also adults to take the high road in the face of the steady pain that is inflicted upon us Our step children are never expected to love us like they love their mothers or even like us but we stepmothers are not offered any clemency if we do not love our step children like we would or do love our own and God forbid we don't even like them Why If it weren't for the fact that I am the older of the 2 of us I would never be expected to accept such an injustice or demonstrate such pure sacrifice Absurd But there is no doubt that this is our realityWednesday also touches on the fact that our husbands contribute to our pain as much and sometimes than the kids themselves; either by excusing or defending his child's actions disregarding our feelings not acknowledging our hurt blaming us for not possessing the ability to bond or for not trying hard enough regularly placing their children's needs before ours or taking their side in a disagreement This makes for a lonely sad and unfulfilling marriage at the very least But likely adds to that anger regret resentment hopelessness misery that you may have otherwise never had to experience if you had married a man who loved you first and foremostI still have genuine moments of admiration for his children They really are good kids with good hearts The truth is that if they were not my step kids I could be free to love them for the wonderful spirits they are But their mere position in my life and mine in theirs creates a barrier to that flow and serves as a daily reminder that I did not come first and there is nothing that can change that realityEverBleak as it may be I have found it to be 100% accurate I felt validated at every turn of the page By the end of the book I felt human than monsterish and that my friend hasn't been the case in over 5 years Thank you Wednesday for that invaluable gift Your book has allowed me to love me again

Wednesday Martin Î 5 Summary

Stepmonster A New Look at Why Real Stepmothers Think Feel and Act the Way We DoOse who are struggling with it Wednesday Martin draws upon her own experience as a stepmother She's frank about the harrowing process of becoming a stepmother she considers the myths and realities of being married to a man with children and she counteracts the cultural notion that stepmothers are solely responsible for the problems that often develop Along the way she intervie. So so so so so glad I read this book As a stepmother I've never felt validated in my life for every feeling I've ever had of being misunderstood misjudged and a complete outsider in my own home The answer to all of those painful tensions spoken or not and painful feelings just isn't to just be nicer as if we haven't all bent over backwards already Unfortunately it doesn't seem that there is an answer though this book does seem to push the stance of being a distant and detached figure in your stepchild's life to avoid being hurt as we value ourselves based on the uality of our relationships and we hope our stepchildren will like us as all others seem to think they do or will or should I have to say it's pretty depressing though to realize that things most likely won't get better with time Turning that hope off of having a good relationship someday seems pretty negative and scary that it could be a mistake even if it is the most healthy thing to do for myself I could have echoed every story told in the book and sometimes the words used by other stepmoms were the exact ones I have said myself trying to explain the situation to others I know in my head that stepchildren resent their stepparents mostly because they're angry at their own parents or they feel they've lost something once you exist but in my heart I just still feel a loss that I can't seem to have a relationship with my stepchild I know it's unrealistic but it's so hard to get over that hope And to also hope that I can have a relationship with my partner without some of the compound problems